October 16, 2015

FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU BECOME IT!

Divorce is about change. I see it in my practice every day.   Usually one mediation participant is further along the transition process than the other who is struggling to come to terms with his or her new reality.

Amy Cuddy presented a TED Talk (http://bit.ly/1he9hAR) based on science that could be transformative for divorcing couples—particularly the reluctant spouse.

Ms. Cuddy showed her audience how minds can change bodies and bodies can change minds. She then demonstrated that minds could change behavior and that behavior could result in changed outcomes.

‘Two minutes, two minutes, two minutes” is what it takes to make big changes. You need your body, privacy and two minutes. Strike a power pose (think Wonder Woman or Superman) for two minutes when you are faced with a “social threat situation.” I believe that divorce mediation would qualify as a social threat situation even though there are only three participants.

“Tiny tweaks can lead to big changes.” According to Ms. Cuddy power posing is not about talking to others. It is about talking to yourself. “Non-verbals govern how we feel about ourselves.” Divorce mediation requires a balance of power. I focus on creating a mediation room with a balance of power. You want to leave the room having shown yourself for who you are without regrets.

We’ve heard the axiom ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ but Ms. Cuddy takes this concept to the next level. You are embarking on a new future. Imagine who you want to be as you move forward, listen to Ms. Cuddy’s TED Talk and “fake it ‘til you become it!”

 

 

 

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