Frequently Asked Questions

In mediation, you retain control over your divorce process and the agreements you reach. Because you communicate directly with each other instead of through lawyers, mediation is significantly less expensive and much faster than litigation. Mediation also brings priceless benefits to your children and each other by reducing conflict so you may focus on your needs and the best interests of your children. Mediation supports cooperative communication and offers you flexible meeting times in consideration of your work schedule and keeps you in control of the pace. Mediation offers you the opportunity to craft a unique agreement tailored to your specific circumstances and gives you a private process that avoids public disclosure of your financial and personal matters.

Your attorney-mediator will guide you and your spouse in working together to reach an agreement. Mediators help couples separate their spousal role, which is ending, from their parental role, which is continuing. Couples learn to evaluate their present financial circumstances and provide for their future financial needs. With the attorney-mediator’s guidance, agreements aim to resolve both immediate and long-range concerns. The mediator will focus on your specific divorce issues and identify possible options. You will actively participate in the negotiations to resolve your divorce issues and create a mutually satisfactory agreement which addresses the needs of all family members. The attorney-mediator’s goal is to help a divorcing couple reach an agreement that meets everyone’s needs as efficiently and peacefully as possible.

Significantly.  We charge a set fee which is provided at the conclusion of your complimentary consultation.  Our fee, which covers the entire mediation process, is generally less than the initial retainer set by most divorce litigators, and which you would have to replenish repeatedly in litigation.

Typical litigated divorce costs run significantly higher than the cost of mediation. Also, keep in mind that “cost” not only means dollars spent but the emotional cost to the parties and their children who suffer through litigated divorces. This emotional cost is also greatly reduced by the mediation process.

Your attorney-mediator is a neutral facilitator specially trained to help couples resolve the issues in their divorce.  Your attorney-mediator provides information about the legal system, how issues may be viewed by lawyers or judges, and provides creative options for resolving issues.  She explores options and resulting consequences but is not an advocate for either party. Your attorney-mediator works to ensure that neither party dominates the other. Even though one party may be a more powerful negotiator, your attorney-mediator helps to balance the power through the mediation process. She facilitates communication between the parties by ensuring that each party is given time to speak.

Your attorney-mediator does not take sides; instead, we aim to help both of you reach an agreement that meets everyone’s needs.

Experience.  Compassion.  Legal knowledge and experience. You will have the opportunity during your complimentary consultation to meet your attorney-mediator to judge her experience and approach to mediation.  You should feel comfortable asking questions and your attorney-mediator should be able to explain the divorce process to you, provide you with clear answers to your questions, and should have experience mediating divorces on a regular basis.

One aspect that is very important in choosing your attorney-mediator is the final product…a well written Settlement Agreement.  What is your goal?  An agreement that it is clear and specific so that each of you and/or an attorney or judge who was not present in the mediation room will clearly understand your reasoning and the process that lead to your agreed upon terms and conclusions. You should feel comfortable asking questions and your attorney-mediator should be able to provide you with clear answers, demonstrating knowledge and experience gained from mediating divorces on a regular basis.

Unlike litigation, the duration of the mediation process is measured in months not years. The number of sessions will depend on the issues that need to be addressed to complete your divorce process, such as the division of assets, debt allocation, support and co-parenting issues. The complexity of the issues and ability of the participants to be flexible as they negotiate their agreement will also dictate the length of the mediation. Some couples want their divorce completed yesterday and others are in no hurry to finalize the process.  You have control over the pace of your divorce mediation. However, when the next step of the process is in our hands we pride ourselves in moving your matter forward as quickly as possible to keep our promise of providing a more efficient alternative to litigation.

While each divorce is unique, the most common issues discussed during the divorce mediation process are:

Financial Issues/Equitable Distribution/Support, such as how you are handling your marital residence (one party keeping or selling), division/allocation of bank or investment accounts, retirement accounts, debts, any investment properties and/or business ownership, spousal support and alimony; and

Children, such as custody, parenting time schedules, child support and childcare expenses, health insurance, college expense, and some tax considerations.

In addition, we address the timing of the finalization of your divorce process and offer guidance to help you avoid post-divorce conflicts.

Some people understandably think that they must be amicable to mediate.  It is a common misconception.  While that is a terrific place to start, it is often unrealistic, as communication may be at an all-time low when a couple is approaching the divorce process.  art of your attorney-mediator’s training is to assist divorcing couples who have difficulty communicating but who still would prefer to work things out between themselves to retain control over the terms of their divorce, save money and/or expedite the divorce process.  Your attorney-mediator will guide you through a problem-solving process that encourages you to attack the problems, not each other.

The presence of a trained divorce attorney-mediator dramatically changes the interpersonal dynamics of the divorcing couple. An experienced attorney-mediator has the skills necessary to foster constructive communication. Through the process, you come to understand that it’s in the best interests of your family to work together to reach an acceptable settlement. Your attorney-mediator facilitates the communication and provides neutral, relevant legal information and experience to assist you with your negotiation and resolution process. Your attorney-mediator will provide information about the legal system, how issues may be viewed by lawyers or judges, and the options and alternatives to help you resolve difficult issues.

Consultation: You will have the opportunity to meet with one of our attorney-mediators free of charge to determine whether this is the right process for you.  We explain and discuss the mediation process in detail so that you can make an informed decision about how you want to proceed.

Mediation Sessions: You and the mediator identify and discuss the various issues you need to resolve and explore options and possibilities for how to resolve them. Your attorney-mediator will provide information about the law which is relevant to your issues and information to help you reach agreements that meet all your needs.

The Agreement: When you have reached agreement on all issues, your attorney-mediator will draft your Marital Settlement Agreement and Custody Agreement (if requested) for your review.

The Review Session: After your attorney-mediator has drafted your Marital Settlement Agreement and Custody Agreement, you may meet with your attorney-mediator to review the draft so that you are comfortable that the formal agreements properly reflect your understanding of your agreements.

We have offices in both Pennsylvania and New Jersey.  No court appearances are necessary by either party for mediation in Pennsylvania.  In New Jersey, one party might need to appear as the final step in the process to obtain your final Judgment of Divorce, but this is often not required.  Your attorney-mediator will explain this simple process.

Yes.  Once your Marital Settlement Agreement is signed it is a legally binding contract.  Mediated agreements are just as binding as the agreements reached during the litigation process and they have a better record of standing the test of time because both parties participated in creating it.  When your divorce process is complete and your Divorce Decree is signed by a judge, the Marital Settlement Agreement will be incorporated into your Divorce Decree and the terms you have voluntarily agreed to will become a legally binding and enforceable Order of the Court.

For our mediation participants in Pennsylvania, we will draft the documents you will need to file with the Court, including your Divorce Complaint, Acceptance of Service, the final Marital Settlement Agreement, Decree, and accompanying documents. We will then assist you in your filing of these documents through the court's pro se filing process. Before you sign or file any documents with the court, we will again encourage you to seek legal advice and representation from an independent attorney of your choosing. For our mediation participants in New Jersey, we will provide you with the information you need to decide how you will complete your divorce filing process, as well as referrals to local attorneys who can efficiently assist you in this process if you wish.

We will work hard to provide you with a process that maintains a balance of power between you and your spouse.  We will help both parties understand the complexities of their marital estate so that both can engage fully in the decision-making process.  This underscores how important it is to choose a skillful and experienced attorney-mediator who will maintain control of the process and not allow one dominant personality to run the show.  Experience has shown us that a less experienced party can still make well-informed decisions with the support of an effective mediation process.

You are always welcome to retain outside counsel before, during and/or after the divorce mediation process has begun. Neither party may bring an attorney into the mediation sessions, but a well-informed participant is always a good thing. At one point in the divorce mediation process, your attorney-mediator will draft your Marital Settlement Agreement invite you to have separate lawyers review it before you sign. During your divorce mediation process, your attorney-mediator may provide legal information but is not permitted to provide legal advice or representation.

Some mediators charge a retainer and an hourly rate.  We do not.  We charge a set fee for the entire divorce mediation process.  You will know what the set fee is at the conclusion of your initial consultation prior to you making any commitment to the divorce mediation process.

Absolutely.  Divorce can be a traumatic experience for children, but it does not have to be.  Your divorce is generally going to be more difficult for your children if your process is adversarial and protracted. How you handle your divorce process may make all the difference. When this divorce process is over, you will be the parents of your children forever.  It is clearly in your children’s best interests that the two of you work together cooperatively and peacefully. Your marriage may be ending, but your relationship with your children as their parents is forever.  Studies on the effects of divorce on children demonstrate that how you proceed through your divorce process may have more of an effect on your children’s well-being than the fact of the divorce itself. In addition, you are setting an example for them about how to resolve their differences.  Did the two of you sit down together to work out the details of your divorce or did you go to war?

Separation and divorce are among the most painful and disruptive events that an individual and family can experience. The problems are both financial and emotional, deeply touching all members of the family. Mediation aims at reducing this tension. Our goal is to ensure that the divorce process does not add to the problem. With the help of your attorney-mediator, couples negotiate their own agreements and in the process may learn techniques for resolving future differences. Mediation is for couples who want to retain control over the decisions that affect their lives and don’t want their children caught in the middle. Mediation is not just for couples who already know how to cooperate for joint decision making. Your attorney-mediator will guide you through the decision-making process to resolve your divorce issues.

Divorce litigation is an adversarial process where attorneys argue for their client, 100% vs. 0%, which often leads to more court appearances and hurt/angry feelings. Divorce attorneys exchange information through complex discovery procedures which could take years to complete.  Interrogatories, depositions, expert (forensic accountants, therapists, etc.) analysis and testimony…the costs can be astronomical.

The divorce litigation process is very adversarial and geared toward winning at the expense of the opposing side. Litigation generally takes years and tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Divorce mediation enables you to work together to reach a mutually beneficial agreement. Your attorney-mediator will coach, educate and guide you through your concerns and options.  There is less fighting and more problem solving so you may focus on your real needs and the best interests of your children. Mediation allows you to retain control over the process and have a hand in making your own well-informed decisions about your life and your family rather than having a judge or attorneys decide your future. Divorce mediation is also significantly less expensive and timely than litigation.

Sooner rather than, so it is best to begin when you decide to divorce. Mediation will save you time, money and heartache. Sometimes, a couple comes to mediation out of frustration with the legal system after the emotional and financial toll, and disillusionment with the lack of progress after so much time and money has been lost. They often say they wish they had used mediation from the beginning.

Absolutely

You may choose to terminate the divorce mediation process and opt for the litigation route at any time.  Most couples who begin mediation do complete the process, but you are in control as the decision maker in the mediation process.  You choose how you wish to proceed.  It is important, however, to make a good faith effort to complete the mediation process for the sake of your family and for each other.

There are different models of mediation.  Some mediators will meet with each participant in separate rooms.  The process is called caucusing.  In the model of mediation we practice at NHDM, both parties are always in the same room (in person or virtually) for substantive discussion.  This builds trust and rapport, giving both participants comfort in knowing that nothing will occur behind their backs.

Mediators are not couples therapists. Their job is not to reunite you. Mediators focus on helping you arrive at a negotiated agreement to equitably resolve your divorce issues and concerns.